Valentine's Day is a holiday that taps you on the shoulder reminds you that you are COMPLETELY ALONE IN THIS WORLD. You could be completely secure and happy in your singleness—having the time of your life being drunk and not having to answer to anyone—but the barrage of Kay Jewelers commercials and the ubiquity of red roses (in high-end bodegas—red carnations in the lower-end ones) and dumbass Teddy Bears holding silk pillows that say "I love you beary much" makes you want to kill everyone who is in love.
These Anti Valentine's Day Cookies ($25, Sugar Lane Bake Shop) literally say "fuck you guys." Eat a whole box with your single girlfriends while you down bottles of wine and list off all of the reasons why it's great to be single. Here, I'll start you off:
1. You get the whole bed to yourself.
2. No one admonishes you for drinking ANOTHER soda when "we're" on a diet.
3. You can watch Intervention marathons all Sunday afternoon without someone implying that you have a problem (WHY ELSE WOULD YOU BE WATCHING THIS SICK SHOW?).
4. You don't get into fights with anyone over lightbulbs, or socks, or who forgot to lock the front door.
KEEP IT GOING.