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[GIFTED] Fucking Love You Print

What's that you say?  You're dead inside?  The minute after you say something emotional, you follow it up with a joke?  Join the club!

But, despite the fact that you're emotionally retarded, you've tricked someone into being in a relationship with you.  Now you're faced with having to talk about your feelings.  ALLLLLLLL OF THE TIME.

When it comes to gift giving to your beloved, you have two choices: you could stare deep into your lover's eyes, breath heavily, tear up and softly say "I love you," or you could get real and hand them this Fucking Love You Print ($35, Etsy).  Your choice.


[GIFTED] Mini Sandwich Lunchbox 

If you're like me, you bring your lunch in an ill-fitting tupperware container wrapped in a CVS bag so the salad dressing doesn't leak.  This is what POVERTY looks like. 

Don't be an idiot.  Set aside $10 and buy this Mini Sandwich Lunchbox ($7.95, Spoon Sisters).


[YOU'RE WELCOME] Shark Week Gift Guide

Ohhhh damn, it's fucking Shark Week. 

What better way to spend your nights than to watch a bunch of vicious predators feed on the weaker animals around them?  Somehow, it's more entertaining when it takes place under the sea, as opposed to in an office setting. 

You and your loved ones can live every week like it's Shark Week with the help of the following items: 

1. Jaws Shower Curtain ($20, Fred Flare)

2. Shark Week Notecards ($4, Etsy)

3. Shark Bite Oven Mitt ($16.50, Spoon Sisters)

4. Sharks Hobo Bag (Echo)

5. Shark Fin Ice Tray ($12, Fred Flare)


My 5 Best Gifts: Tanya Memme 

Let's face it: giving the perfect gift to someone is like standing on top of a mountain and shouting, "HEY EVERYONE, I'M NOT AN EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE!"   

My 5 Best Gifts is a recurring feature that asks people to give up the goods on the best gifts they've given or received. 

For nine seasons, Tanya Memme has hosted A&E's Sell This House, a show that helps clueless homeowners redesign and ultimately sell their house so they can move.  She's also an actress, former Miss World Canada, and my nerdier readers may recognize her as the co-host of TLC's Robotica, alongside Ahmet Zappa. 

Click to read more ...


[GIFTED] Arrow Light Fixture

Perfect for a swinging singles pad or sex dungeon this Arrow Light Fixture ($250, Etsy) lets you know exactly where the party is. 

That's right: in your bedroom, on your twin bed, with a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of Tequila with the lights off.