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[GIFTED] Memo Mug

Because you have spent the last six years thoroughly entrenched in social media, you are used to giving everyone your opinion on everything almost constantly.

So why not transfer that obnoxiousness offline and into real life with this Memo Mug ($18, Fred Flare)

Think of all of the shit you could write on here!  Bring a piping hot cup of coffee to your boss with "I quit, ya fuck" written on it.  Bring some tea to your girlfriend with the words "Let's see other people" emblazoned on the side. 

"What?" you'll say to them, innocently.  "You didn't get the memo that I'm an asshole?"


[YOU'RE WELCOME] A Gift Guide for Estranged Family Members' Weddings

You’re sitting on your couch—minding your own business—and your phone rings.  It’s your mother.  The cousin you haven’t spoken to since you were 12 years old is getting married, she tells you. 

You’re not sure why you should care, since you know nothing about this person except that you used to hate her because she made fun of your giant nerd glasses and your unfortunate bout with scoliosis. 

You hang up after a rather tense exchange and it’s clear what needs to happen: you have to buy a plane ticket and waste an entire weekend at this jerk’s wedding, otherwise you’ll run the risk of being excommunicated from the family. 

“I can’t wait to see how beautifully they decorate,” you say to your mother.  “I hear that Party City just got in a new shipment of really nice crepe paper.” 

She is not amused. 

You’re going to the wedding—pack a suitcase and remember to bring your flask.

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[GIFTED] Le Labo Santal 26 Candle

So, here's the situation.  You are a straight man who happens to like nice things and an impeccably designed home.  But perhaps you're not secure enough in your manhood to bring home fresh-cut flowers or buy linen-scented Yankee candles to light and enjoy while you're playing PS3. 

Help is on the way!  Pick up this Santal 26 Candle ($60, Le Labo).  The wax is poured into a vintage style banged-up tin can so you can look manly while enjoying the sheer femininity of surrounding yourself in candlelight. 

You might think the concept of a bro-friendly candle is ridiculous, and that women love men who are confident and sensitive and all of that garbage, but I know a girl who promptly left a guy's apartment because he had "too many houseplants."  "What is he, a goddamned gardener?" she said.  "I bet he watches Martha Stewart.  What a WOMAN."

Moral of the story?  MAN UP AND WATCH YOUR BACK.  Women are ridiculous and fickle and make an average of 17 contradictory decisions in the 15 minutes it takes you to figure out which sandwich you should order for lunch. 


[Q&A] Taniya Nayak from HGTV 

You've watched a lot of remodeling shows on HGTV.  You're a cynic at heart, so you can't believe that those guys can makeover an entire house in three days with a budget of like $15. 

You sit there, seething. 

"I can't even clean my bathroom in three days and these jerks redid an entire kitchen?"

Well, believe it. 

Taniya Nayak, of HGTV's House Hunters on Vacation and the Food Network's Restaurant: Impossible not only confirmed that they really do these crazy makeovers with limited time and limited budgets, she did it to her very own kitchen, completely remodeling it in just two weeks. 

She jumped on the phone with me to tell me about how she did it, why she did it, and what the difference is between an island and a peninsula.  

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[GIFTED] David Hart & Co. Ties

If you have a very preppy gay man or a fashion-conscious butch lesbian in your life, these David Hart & Co. Ties ($125 each, Park & Bond) will be the perfect gift.  They say, "Hey, I'm fashionably sensitive but I'm also too cool to care."