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[YOU'RE WELCOME] Shark Week Gift Guide

Ohhhh damn, it's fucking Shark Week. 

What better way to spend your nights than to watch a bunch of vicious predators feed on the weaker animals around them?  Somehow, it's more entertaining when it takes place under the sea, as opposed to in an office setting. 

You and your loved ones can live every week like it's Shark Week with the help of the following items: 

1. Jaws Shower Curtain ($20, Fred Flare)

2. Shark Week Notecards ($4, Etsy)

3. Shark Bite Oven Mitt ($16.50, Spoon Sisters)

4. Sharks Hobo Bag (Echo)

5. Shark Fin Ice Tray ($12, Fred Flare)


My 5 Best Gifts: Tanya Memme 

Let's face it: giving the perfect gift to someone is like standing on top of a mountain and shouting, "HEY EVERYONE, I'M NOT AN EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE!"   

My 5 Best Gifts is a recurring feature that asks people to give up the goods on the best gifts they've given or received. 

For nine seasons, Tanya Memme has hosted A&E's Sell This House, a show that helps clueless homeowners redesign and ultimately sell their house so they can move.  She's also an actress, former Miss World Canada, and my nerdier readers may recognize her as the co-host of TLC's Robotica, alongside Ahmet Zappa. 

Click to read more ...


[GIFTED] Arrow Light Fixture

Perfect for a swinging singles pad or sex dungeon this Arrow Light Fixture ($250, Etsy) lets you know exactly where the party is. 

That's right: in your bedroom, on your twin bed, with a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of Tequila with the lights off.


[GIFTED] Dollar Symbol 

Do you play "Damn it Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" before you go on job interviews?  Do you hold money in higher regard than the important things in life like booze, sex, and meaningful relationships?  Show off your black heart with this golden Dollar Symbol ($62, Etsy).  It'll look great in your office.  You spend all of your time there anyway, right?  Thought so.


[GIFTED] Gangsta Rap Coloring Book

What was that you said?  You love it when I call you Big Poppa?  Yeah, I thought so.

Break out your brown crayon (it's not racist, it's historically accurate) and start filling in the likes of Ice Cube, Notorious BIG, and Snoop Dog in this Gangsta Rap Coloring Book ($9.95, Spitfire Girl).