[GIFTED] Concepts X Sperry Top Sider

If you read this blog regularly, you'll get the general sense that I am a tad obsessed with all things nautical.  Case in point: I own about 6 pairs of Sperry Top Siders. 

Of course, it's a sad, sad at the end of October when I finally throw in the towel and pack away the boat shoes for the winter.  I cry salty tears.  Tears from the sea, if you will.  

That's why I am PUMPED for this new collaboration between Sperry and Concepts that has resulted in the Concepts X Sperry Top Sider ($125, Concepts).  In a nutshell?  BOAT SHOES.  FOR THE WINTER.  I die 1,000 times. 

[GIFTED] Doodle Pillowcases

Check out these Doodle Pillowcases ($19.95, Convenient Gadgets & Gifts).  They allow you to write on your pillow case with washable markers, and then wash the messages in the laundry.  

This pillow case would be great in three scenarios:

1. You wake up with a stranger in your bed and need to hightail it out of there.  You can scrawl, "Thanks for the memories, lose my number" onto the pillow and they'll get the message when they wake up, naked and confused.

2. You have been nagging your significant other to do something, and they haven't lifted one goddamned finger.  Let them know that they REALLY need to stop leaving dirty clothes on the floor by leaving a message right where their fucking face goes.

3. Kids.  Kids will love it.

[SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION] Follow You're Welcome, For God's Sake

I see you, baby.  Checkin' that Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest.  You can't fool anyone.  You're on social media all the time.  You're on it at work.  You're on it while waiting for the train.  You're on it in the bathroom.  You're on it post-coital. 

LISTEN: if you are checking your social media accounts all of the time, why not inject some humor into your feed by following me?  Trust me, the shit I post is wayyyy more interesting than the blurry engagement ring and/or wedding photos that have been clogging up your feeds recently.

Seriously.  Twitter and Facebook were made for someone like me, who has a never-ending supply of one-liners and an innate need for instant approval from strangers.

Pinterest was ALSO made for someone like me, because I am a gift blogger, and because Pinterest is basically an interactive list of things you wish you could buy, recipes you wish you could make, and dreams will probably never fulfill. 

So how about it?

Twitter

Facebook

Pinterest

[GIFTED] Elephant Bookends

You know what's cute?  ANIMALS.  You know what's cuter?  BABY ANIMALS.

There's no way around it.  Whether your girlfriend sends you video of a kitten playing with a ball of yarn, or your mother sends you a picture of a puppy laying in a field of sunflowers in a lame attempt to try and make you feel better, baby animals force an "awwww" out of virtually everyone they encounter (except for maybe sociopaths).  

These Elephant Bookends ($50, Knob Creek Metal Arts) depict a mom elephant and a baby elephant making their way through the jungle (or maybe they're on their way to a circus show because they were captured by some evil asshole like that guy in Water for Elephants).  WHAT is cuter than that?  NOTHING.  

[GIFTED] Dreamy Pillowcases

WORD TO THE WISE: if your significant other asks you what you dream about, your answer should always, ALWAYS, unequivocally be: "You, of course."

Sure, she might forgive you if you say "Ferris wheels" or "grilled cheese sandwiches," but if you even MENTION another human being, you are in TROUBLE.  You could say, "I had this weird dream about this girl I went to preschool with" and she'd automatically get the crazy eyes and say, "WHY ARE YOU DREAMING ABOUT ANOTHER GIRL?  Who is she?  Are you friends on Facebook?  Is she pretty?  Is she prettier than me?" 

To avoid this line of pyschopathic questioning, invest in this set of Dreamy Pillowcases ($45, Supermarket Sarah).  That way, you'll ALWAYS be dreaming of her crazy ass.  Whether you like it or not.