[GIFTED] Gay Wedding Cards

Your homophobic uncle might not be to happy about it, but surprise!  Gay marriage is legal in New York.  And since New York is the center of the universe as far as me and the rest of the other arrogant New Yorkers are concerned, it's only a matter of time before other states follow suit.  Sorry, Uncle Jim, the gays are going to get hitched and live much more fashionable lives than you (well, not the lesbians). 

But now that you're going to be invited to more gay weddings, you have to walk the fine line between going too far to the gay pride left, and going too far to the conservative right.

You don't want to be bush league and get them a bunch of stuff meant for straight people (His and Hers towels, contraceptives, etc), but you also don't want to get them a bunch of rainbow candles or weird sex toys.         

These Gay Wedding Cards ($3, La Familia Green) are perfect.  They acknowledge the fact two gay people are getting married without being over-the-top.  An example of an over-the-top wedding card would probably be covered in glitter, decked out in rainbows, and when you open it, it would sing "Do You Believe" by Cher.  STOP IT, YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD. 

[GIFTED] Vintage TV Laptop Sleeve

Hey, remember old TVs?  The ones that weighed about 200 pounds and needed to sit on a gigantic, sturdy surfaces?  Sure, now we have TVs that can be hung on a wall easier than you can tape up an old poster of Shakira, but those old TVs were behemoths.  The biggest fear parents had when those TVs were around was that their kid was somehow going to pull the TV off its stand and crush themselves to death.  That was a real threat. 

Ah, the good old days.   

This Vintage TV Laptop Sleeve ($42.50, Zero Gravity) harkens back to that simpler time, when you didn't have to check your email every second of every day.  Good news: with this laptop sleeve, you can mask your sleek, futuristic Macbook in something that looks like it belongs in Roseanne Conner's house. 

[GIFTED] Bookendings Bookends

There's a famous John Waters quote that says something along the lines of "If you go home with someone and they don't have any books on their shelves, don't fuck 'em."

Yes, literacy is important when choosing sexual partners, I suppose, if you're interested in things like intelligence rather than bra size.  Just don't look too closely at the titles.  For example, if you looked at the stack of books on my nightstand, you'd see an alarming number of drug memoirs, which would suggest that I'm a recovering addict.  Not so!  Recovery is for quitters. 

Whether you're trying to hide or highlight your creepy book selections, these Bookendings Bookends (Prices and colors vary, Signs for Homes) will provide a pop of color and a clever literary nerd phrase.  

[GIFTED] Swedish Dream Sea Salt Soap

So you want your boyfriend to smell good and not like the gym or nachos or whatever guys smell like (I'm no expert), but he hates all of your "girly" scrubs and body washes.  Coconut?  Grapefruit?  He doesn't want to smell like a woman—or breakfast, for that matter. 

Pick up a few bars of Swedish Dream Sea Salt Soap ($5, Smallflower).  It's made with minerals from the sea, which is manly, because what's more manly than a bunch of sailors on a ship together for months on end with no women in sight (don't answer that)?  Honestly, the sea salts lightly exfoliate without being obnoxious about it, and it doesn't have the overpowering scent that all of your bath products have.

[GIFTED] Linnea's Lights Candles

"Would you light my candle?" is not just a question asked by pushy drug addicts in RENT; it is also a question asked by countless girlfriends. 

I have said it myself: "Honey, why don't you light a candle?" followed by my old standby joke, "I look great in candlelight," followed by, "I look even better in the dark." 

Yes, living with me is a constant jokefest coupled with the occasional emotional breakdown.   BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. 

If you're looking to get romantical, you should always have a bunch of candles in stock, lest you find yourself completely ruining the mood by lighting the old prayer candles you bought in preparation for the fake Hurricane.  

Pick up a bunch of Linnea's Lights Candles ($28, Oliver's Twist) instead.  They're pure soy candles, have a 60-hour burning time, and come in a bunch of exotic scents like Magnolia, Blue Agave, and Cashmere, which I can only assume smells like rich people.