Entries in 12 days of christmas (71)
We all know a guy that's obsessed with pro sports. Whether it's football, baseball, basketball, hockey (or all of the above), those guys are everywhere. The guy who's obsessed with college sports, though, is a little bit more unique. He went to a big school named for a state (typically in the South). He's a bit of a bro.
If you went to a small, private college on the East Coast, you have difficulty understanding the cult of college sports. Your college's football "stadium" held maybe a few hundred people and it truthfully never held any more than 50 (game attendance at places like Sarah Lawrence and Oberlin is pretty abysmal). The College Sports Obsessive's stadiums hold nearly 100,000 people and it's always packed to the brim every game day.
You got your degree and have never really talked about your alma mater again, unless you're drunk and reminiscing with college friends, or wearing an old college t-shirt on laundry day. The College Sports Obsessive talks about his college constantly. He has season tickets and returns to his alma mater for epic reunions and tail gates. He makes a friend wherever he goes because he's wearing his team's hat.
So, this year, get some killer team-appropriate gifts for the guy who's always the guy begging the bartender to change the channel to ESPN 42 in order to catch "his team's" game.
Everyone has someone in their lives who is annoyingly outdoorsy. You know the type. Always posting pictures from their 12 mile morning hike, saying things like "climbing this mountain was totally worth it for this view!" when the only mountain you're going to conquer that morning is a mountain of pancakes from your local diner. This is the same type of person who, when having spent too much time inside, gets a crazy look in her eyes and starts acting like a caged animal. She was made to be outdoors (or so she says constantly), but unless she's a camp counseler or some time of mountain hermit, she probably has to spend the majority of her time indoors, which makes her all the more anxious to get outside when she can.
Help her along this year by gifting her outdoorsy items that she can either use to plan her escape or use the next time she tramps into the forest for a few days.
When a man gets to a certain age, he starts to look around and realize that his life is almost over and he hasn't even begun to spend his money. This man, of course, is your father. Because he was frugal his entire life, it's unsettling to see him spending $100 on a box of cigars or a drone to fly around his backyard. You and your siblings exchange sideways glances and have decided to make a pact that you'll stage an intervention if he starts buying shit from infomercials (if he buys a SLAPCHOP he's getting put in a home)
But here's the thing: he's always admired things like expensive cars and high-end whiskey and everything made of high-quality leather, but now he's taking his admiration a step further. Maybe it's because he's trying to avoid thinking about his own mortality. Or maybe he just wants to enjoy the money he worked his whole life to earn (what a concept, right?). In any event, you go to his house and it's looking more and more like a hunting lodge or smoking lounge. Help indulge his obsession with high-quality leather goods this year.
Whether you've recently started a new job, you've been given a new boss, or you've had the same boss for years and haven't gotten to know her at all, I think we can all agree that buying gifts for your boss is difficult and stressful. Why? Because this is the one time in your life where buying a fancy candle can completely derail your career. Everyone gives the best gifts to people that they know well—and when you just know basic demographic information on someone (she's in her 40s, she wears shoes, she lives in New York, etc), it's hard to figure out what they'd actually like or use.
Get her a gift that's expensive and over-the-top and she'll think you're being a suck-up. Get her the wrong gift (like a bottle of wine when she's a recovering alcoholic) and it's embarrassing at best, career-killing at worst. Trying to go jokey almost never works.
All of this gift-related stress makes you wonder whether or not you should even risk getting her a gift at all. Why should you buy your boss something when you're the one that's working for her? I'll tell you why: the more powerful you get, the more people are afraid of you. Nobody gives gifts to people who are in top positions because they're too scared to do it. It's lonely at the top, etc, etc. Imagine how Hillary Clinton feels. She probably hasn't gotten a Christmas gift in 30 years. The point? Get your boss a thoughtful gift and you'll stand out among all of the other idiots you work with. Trust us.