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Entries in 12 days of christmas (57)


[12 DAYS OF GIFT GUIDES] So You Waited Until the Last Minute

It's December 24, so there's not much you can do aside from run frantically to the mall and scoop up a bunch of shit that you didn't plan out or even think about.  What a great way to treat your loved ones.  

But if you're looking for inspiration for the type of person you'll be next year (the type of person who consults gift guides and plans things out in advance), or if you're just avoiding spending time with family—read all of our gift guides for this year:














[12 DAYS OF GIFT GUIDES] Gifts for the Crazy Cat Lady 

Dog people will never understand why cat people even exist.  Dogs are friendly and fun.  You can take them to the park and to the beach.  They love road trips.  Cats are aloof and edgy.  To say that they don’t travel well is the understatement of the century.  But why are there legions of people who can’t get enough of their cat?

Well, there’s really no explanation, other than they’re fluffy and cute and maybe cat people like to work for the affection that they get, amiright?  But browse the aisles of any pet store and you’ll see that dogs are completely overrepresented and cats are completely underrepresented.  The only pets that are more underrepresented than cats in the pet store are the exotic birds, and the fact that most of them can speak for themselves kind of cancels that out anyway.  I digress.  The point is: if you’re looking to buy a gift for a crazy cat lady this year, we’ve got you covered.  She can show off any of these items with pride.  They say, “Sure, I am a cat lady, but I will NOT die alone.”  Or, maybe she will.  Who knows what’s gonna happen to anyone in the end, right?  What’s that?  Too dark?  Too dark for Christmas?  Sorry.  

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[12 DAYS OF GIFT GUIDES] Gifts for Your New Stepmother

Your parents got divorced when you were in your early teens, and your dad remained a single man until recently.  Sure, he had weird dates with a parade of strange women wearing funky jewelry and speaking to you in high-pitched, overly friendly tones ("Hi honey! How ARE you? I'm so excited to finally meet you!"), but they never stuck around for long.    

But shit changed a few years ago.  Your dad met a nice, age-appropriate lady with kids of her own.  He finally had someone to have dinner with and go on trips with.  They got married in a modest backyard ceremony. She wore a tasteful cream-colored pantsuit.  And because you're a fully-grown, semi-reasonable adult, you either genuinely like her or you're ambivalent about her.  None of the anger and mutual hostility that your friends had when they got a stepmother at 12 years old exists with the two of you.  If your dad's happy, you're happy. And if someone's around him all the time, you don't have to worry about him so much.    

But all of these warm, fuzzy feelings (or just general apathy) don't mean that you're close.  Step-parents are always hard to shop for, but they're ESPECIALLY hard to shop for if you've just met this person a year or two ago.  You have more interaction with the barista at your local coffee shop than you do with a person that has the word "mother" or "father" in their titles.

You try to pry advice on what to buy out of your father, but as always, he's useless with this kind of stuff.  Just try to find out the basics.  Does she have a dog?  What is her profession?  Does she like wine?  Who doesn't like sweaters, amiright?  Armed with these basics facts about a virtual stranger who you spend a few times a year with, you'll be able to figure something out for her.  Either that, or get her a gift card to the Olive Garden. Stepmoms love the Olive Garden.  Because breadsticks.   

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[12 DAYS OF GIFT GUIDES] Gifts for the Tech Start-Up Guy

You've had 2 jobs in the past 5 years, but this guy has had 7.  He changes jobs more than he changes his shirt, and while the idea of that makes you launch into a full-blown anxiety attack, that's very typical for the life of a Tech Start-Up Guy.  He's always talking about how he's "building something really exciting."  Of course, he's only there for the company's launch and then like a SnapChat (did he work there?), he disappears immediately afterwards.  

You can never, ever keep up with what this guy is up to, but whenever you get together, he talks your ear off, throwing buzzwords at you and talking about his "INSANE" schedule. He regularly posts Instagram shots from the window of an airplane with captions like "#wheelsup" or "#startuplife" or "#hustlin."  He fancies himself a renegade—someone who is too smart to work in a conventional office or stay in one place for too long.  

If you're being honest, you think he's kind of a douche.  He's probably your brother-in-law or your best friend's husband, but you've got to deal with him and his antics, even around the holidays. But look on the bright side, he almost always rolls with his expense account, which means you drink for free when you're with him. Cheers to that—get this jerk a gift to thank him for all the free beers you've gotten over the years in exchange for listening to him talk about how he's coming up with the "next big thing."    

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[12 DAYS OF GIFT GUIDES] Gifts for the TV Obsessive

Every now and then, you'll come across a person who prides themselves on not watching TV.  You'll all be out somewhere, and as soon as someone mentions a particular TV show, she'll announce, "I don't even HAVE a TV."  As if completely being out of the pop culture loop is some kind of badge of honor. 

Nobody gets more annoyed about this shit than the TV Obsessive.  He doesn't just watch TV, he devours it.  He has thousands and thousands of Twitter followers because he live tweets The Bachelor every week.  He has somehow seen every show on TV—from acclaimed scripted shows like Breaking Bad and House of Cards, to mediocre sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother and According to Jim, to the dregs of reality TV.  He's even seen Blackish, for Christ's sake.  And he's somehow watching all of these shows even though he works a full-time job.  It's both impressive and frightening. 

The obvious gift choice for a TV Obsessive is to just get him a box set of DVDs of one of his favorite shows, but get a clue—if you think he doesn't already own the full series box set of Friends, you're DEAD WRONG.  Let's get a little more imaginative, shall we?   

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