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Entries in apparel (223)

Monday
Apr172017

Mary Poppin Bottles T-Shirt

Mary Poppins: the nanny of all nannies, the British lady who single-handedly got two kids to clean up their rooms by merely singing a song, transported them into cartoon fox hunt with a random Cockney chimney sweep by somehow jumping into a chalk drawing, used a clever bit of reverse pyschology to get them to go to bed (the song "Stay Awake," of course), and educated the kids' banker father about the evils of capitalism like a young, beautiful, more realistic Bernie Sanders.  The guy was named MR. BANKS for Christ's sake, but somehow she got him to give up on money and go fly a friggin' kite.  What a miracle worker.

You wanna be as big of a badass as Mary Beyonce Poppins?  You can try.  First step?  Wear this Mary Poppin Bottles T-Shirt ($28, Buy Me Brunch) and stuff your giant bag with bottles of alcohol instead of a full-sized hat rack and then sing "Spoonful of Sugar" when everyone's taking shots.     

Thursday
Mar232017

Literally Dead T-Shirt 

For all the basic bitches who toss around the word "literally" even though they're using it in completely the wrong way, this Literally Dead T-Shirt ($20, Human) is appropos but also a good lesson in what the word "literally" actually (or literally) means.  Look for a follow-up "I can't" shirt as well. 

Monday
Mar062017

Namaste at the Bar Tank Top

Some people spend their weekends "getting centered."  Sleeping, eating healthy, maybe taking a yoga class. READING FOR PLEASURE, PERHAPS.  That's great.  Good for those assholes, who use the weekends for recharging instead of raging.

But for us NORMAL PEOPLE who use weekends as an excuse to get shitfaced and eat everything you're not supposed to only to start the calorie counting clock again on Monday, this Namaste at the Bar Tank Top ($36, Buy Me Brunch) is the perfect thing to wear.  Enjoy your downward dogs, ladies—we're enjoying our 52 beers at the bar at 2pm on a Sunday.    

Monday
Jan302017

Mercury in Retrograde Pin

"Mercury must be in retrograde" has become the white lady's preferred way of saying "my bad."  It has something to do with the spinning of the planets or some other bullshit, but basically it's certain people's way of explaining away bad behavior, weird shit happening, and the like.  If you're one of those ladies who will blame everything from flaking on Thursday night drinks plans to horrifying car crashes on poor old Mercury, fasten this Mercury in Retrograde ($15, Pintrill) to your jacket and let everyone know that you're full of excuses and zero accountability.  Welcome to Trump's America! 

Wednesday
Jan042017

Burton X South Park Hats 

 

Want to feel old?  South Park is celebrating its 20th anniversary in 2017.  The crudely-animated show burst onto the scene when a lot us were in middle school, and if your parents were anything like my parents, they tried to prevent you from watching it, which made you more determined to find a way to watch it (and you did).

South Park quickly became Comedy Central's crown jewel, and the characters, instantly iconic.  On face value, it was gross and gratuitously violent, but if you looked deeper (once you were older, perhaps), South Park provided some of the best satire we've ever seen.

So, in celebration of this milestone (20 years! Everyone wanted it banned from TV the year it first aired), Burton has released Burton X South Park Hats (Starting at $30), which features instantly-recognizable head gear from Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and Kyle.  If you buy the Kenny hat—be prepared for people to scream, "OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED KENNY, YOU BASTARD," over and over at you again until Spring arrives.