[GIFTED] Charlie Coal Bag

Thanks to Global Warming, it feels like the middle of July even though it's barely April.  As someone who wears so many bright colors she could be in a Gap commercial if she lost 30 pounds, I couldn't be happier about this.  It's time to wear boat shoes and carry around tote bags!

This Charlie Coal Bag ($245, Jack Spade) is my favorite new tote bag out there—if only I could afford it.  Who wants to go halfsies?

[GIFTED] Octopus Flask

Do you ever find yourself saying, "God, I'm so busy that I wish I had 8 arms like an octopus" ?  Cool, weirdo.  You really want to be like Ursula from The Little Mermaid?  She was EVIL and looked like Divine the drag queen.  

You know what helps you feel like you have 8 arms?  ALCOHOL.  Fill up this Octopus Flask ($17.95, Whimsy & Ink) with some whiskey and you'll feel like you can get EVERYTHING done, before you promptly pass out on your couch.  

[GIFTED] Soft Surroundings Cashmere Socks

Do you buy your socks at the dollar store?  The gas station?  STOP IT.  

You're an adult, and your feet are IMPORTANT.  Remember what Lieutenant Dan said in Forest Gump?  Always change your socks, take care of your feet.   

That's why these cashmere socks ($38.95, Soft Surroundings) are so important, right?  They're soft, they're warm, and they cushion your poor, tired feet as you take them from a long day at the office to an even longer night at the bar.    

[GIFTED] Flud Tableturns Watch

Hey, Mr. DJ, put a record on, I wanna dance with my baby.  Oh, hey.  I was just quoting the WORST SONG EVER.  Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding—"Freak On a Leash" is the worst song ever (remember Korn?).

ANYWAY, these Tableturns Watches ($80, Flud) are perfect for that weekend DJ in your life, or that white person in your life who likes to pretend they understand rap music. 

[GIFTED] Work Hard, Run Home T-Shirt

I once knew a guy who would wake up at 5am and work out.  Then he would go to work all day, RUN home from the office, and go home and have dinner with his wife and young children.  He would do this shit every day.

Needless to say he was in great shape, and needless to say, I was very jealous of the Germanic efficiency and discipline with which he ran his life.  This Work Hard, Run Home t-shirt ($25, Howies) is a testament to that guy's obnoxious commitment to fitness, and my failure to ever get to the gym during the week.