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Entries in food (61)

Friday
Jul182014

[GIFTED] Hellfire Club Bloody Mary Mix

There are people who passively drink Bloody Marys at brunch every now and then because they like the idea of a Bloody Mary.  Then, there are people who actually LIKE Bloody Marys.  These are the people who are forever chasing the dragon of a good bloody mary because true Bloody Mary afficionados know that there are SO many things that can go wrong when someone makes a Bloody Mary. 

1. How it's served.  Most people will do the right thing and give you a Bloody Mary that's made-to-order.  But some places serve a Bloody Mary from a ready-made batch that's been hanging out in a pitcher full of ice for 45 minutes—typically seen at all-you-can-drink brunch places.  Who wants a watered-down Bloody Mary? Nobody. 

2. The mix.  Some prefer thin, some prefer thick.  Some prefer chunks of horseradish and fresh cracked black pepper, some prefer it smooth and factory-made.  Whatever your preference, you're pretty much guaranteed to be disappointed at least half the times you order one because the bartender's preference on mix won't match your own. 

3. Spiciness.  Same with the mix—some want their Bloody Mary to just have a tiny kick, others want to set their mouths on fire.  

4. Acoutrements.  As the artisanal cocktail movement has reached its fever pitch, bartenders have been given the freedom to serve you a cocktail with a bunch of bullshit sticking out of it.  A Bloody Mary has always been the perfect cocktail for doing just this, because it's probably the heartiest drink you can order outside of a milkshake.  But let's cool it, okay?  Can I eat a stalk of rosemary?  No.  A chunk of pepperoni?  YOU'RE DISGUSTING.  Celery, bro.  Stick to the celery.   

I think I've belabored the point enough—Bloody Marys are complicated mistresses.  That's why you always want to start with a quality base, like what you'll get with Hellfire Club Bloody Mary Mix ($28, Arrowhead Farms).  Buy this for yourself, bring it to a friend's BBQ along with a bottle of vodka—it's a party in a bottle.   

Tuesday
Jul082014

[GIFTED] Fine & Raw Cowgirl Chocolate Bars 

Yeah, yeah, yeah—we've all had our fill of artisanal chocolate.  OR SO YOU THINK.  Check out these Cowgirl Chocolate Bars ($36) from Fine & Raw Chocolate, a Brooklyn-based (surprised?) company helmed by a South African chocolatier.  Raw chocolate bars featuring ingredients like sea salt, espresso, and ginger packaged with labels featuring vintage pin-up cowgirls?  Giddy up.  

Friday
Jun272014

[GIFTED] Homemade Gin Kit

With the artisanal movement, everyone is becoming obsessed with homemade things.  Hey, this scarf I'm wearing might look like someone strangled a muppet and threw it around my neck, but it's HOMEMADE.  This peanut-butter-flavored mayonnaise tastes like garbage, but it was homemade by a bunch of elves who operate out of a Brooklyn storefront that looks like a bomb shelter. 

BUT, even though some aspects of the artisanal movement are a bit overwrought and ridiculous, there are a lot of good things that are homemade.  One of them, of course, is homemade booze.  You can harken back to the "fun times" of the Prohibition Era by getting one of these Homemade Gin Kits ($50) that provide you with everything you need to transform a regular old bottle of vodka into an ARTISANAL bottle of gin. 

Think about how much respect you'll get when you show up to a party with a bottle of gin that you made with your own bare hands.  What a hero you'll be.  

Monday
Jun232014

[GIFTED] Haute Dogs

As haute cuisine has thoroughly pervaded our culture, our food is getting fancier and fancier.  The only thing that's not getting fancy is the way we dress to go eat fancy food.  I say this because I once spent $300 on a dinner eaten next to a man at a table in a hoodie (and not a "fashionable" one—the kind with WRITING on the front), jeans, and sandals. That's besides the point, though.

Food is getting fancy—and it's not just your typical fancy food that's getting all hoity toity.  It's regular food.  In NYC, you can pay $90 for a burger.  One burger.  With fries.  We're all insane

So, it's only a natural progression that the humblest of foods—the hot dog—is getting all trussed up.  The appropriately-named Haute Dogs ($13, Amazon) doles out over 100 recipes on how to make your hot dog more complicated than your usual configuration of mustard and nothing else as you're scarfing it down on a random street corner before you head to the bar.  It'll be a great gift for that asshole foodie friend of yours who insists on messing with the classics, insisting that your mac and cheese will taste GREAT with peas in it or some bullshit.   

Wednesday
May212014

[GIFTED] Sugarwish

You're trying to figure out a gift you can buy for someone you don't know very well.  It's for your boss, co-worker, your boyfriend's mother—basically someone who is really on the fringes of your life.  You know what everyone likes?  No, not alcohol, but good guess!  It's CANDY.  Everyone fucking loves candy.  Even the people who constantly talk about how they "eat clean" shove a bag of M&Ms into their face in a darkened conference room when they're stressed.

That's why Sugarwish is so brilliant.  You pick the package you want to send, the recipient gets an email alert telling them to choose their candy (so you don't have to know whether they like Sour Patch Kids or Peanut M&Ms), and then Sugarwish sends their sweets directly to them. 

You gave them the gift of stress eating, how thoughtful of you!