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Entries in food (76)


[GIFTED] Conversation Hearts Macarons

French things have always been associated with romance (even SURRENDERING LOL—no seriously, surrendering can be romantic, remember that Sarah McLachlan song? Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet surrenderrrrrrrrrrr), and at some point in the past five years, macarons have become the preferred treat of any kinda dumb/kinda fancy lady.  

You show up with a box of macarons on Valentine's Day, and you'll be in like flynn.  BUT, if you want to take it a step further and straight-up WIN Valentine's Day, get these Conversation Hearts Macarons ($45, Williams-Sonoma), which take the novelty of the classic Conversation Hearts you'd see on Valentine's Day but put them on something that actually tastes good, like delicious macarons. Enjoy. Or, as the French say, enjoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. 


[GIFTED] Messy Brine Pickles

I know, I know—if you live in any major, gentrified city, you hear the words "artisinal pickles" and you involuntarily roll your eyes.  "What's the problem with regular old dill pickles?" you say to yourself, channeling Andy Rooney or your grandfather.  The problem with regular old dill pickles is that 1.) they're not very flavorful, and 2.) their packaging (usually a gallon tub) means that they cannot be gifted.  That's why artisanal pickles fill the void, man.  

Among the newest in a long line of artisanal pickles is Messy Brine Pickles (Starting at $7)—their packaging is adorable and their pickles are beyond FLAVORFUL.  The Rye Bread & Butter Pickle Chips will make you feel like you're eating a bagel, but you're actually eating pickles, which are virtually calorie-free.  Buy 'em for yourself, bring 'em to a picnic, give them to your grandmother who loves pickles so much she drinks the juice when the jar is empty (this is true of my grandmother—no joke).    


[GIFTED] Downton Abbey Wine Duo

Holy moly, the final season of Downton Abbey is upon us (premiering Monday, 1/5), and even though I've never watched a second of that boring-ass period piece starring a bunch of British douchebags and Maggie Smith (who is a TREASURE—have you SEEN The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood?!), apparently people are still obsessed with this show.  Of course, they're obsessed in the same way that they're obsessed with other boring, weird shit like Dr. Who or Sherlock, which is to say that even their obsessions are boring.  

But if you know some boring girl who's obsessed with this show, or you ARE some boring girl who's obsessed with this show, then scoop up this Downton Abbey Wine Duo ($30, Wine.com).  You can drink it while you're watching the show.  Put it in an expensive crystal glass and you'll be just like the Chicken Lady.  Kinda badass.   


[GIFTED] Sriracha Stout 

You’re going to a ton of holiday parties, and everyone is doing the thing where they show up with the cheapest bottle of red wine they could buy.  What a delightful gift!  The hostess is very, very grateful. 

Make yourself stand out by showing up with this brand-new Sriracha Stout (Rogue Ales).  It’ll be a winner amongst Sriracha devotees, it’s a stout so it’ll warm everyone up who’s coming in from the cold, and the bottles are red and green.  What could be more festive?  Nothing, that’s what.


[GIFTED] Ugly Holiday Sweater Cookies

10 years ago, Ugly Holiday Sweater Parties didn't exist.  We all just wore ugly holiday sweaters unironically because our moms bought them for us and we thought they were festive.  I remember in high school, some adorable but geeky and clueless kid who had yet to realize his own potential as an attractive human being wore a Christmas sweater with a reindeer on it and everyone made fun of him behind his back.  I just saw that same sweater on J Crew's website for like $97.  WHAT IS UGLY ANYMORE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.  

But anyway, the point is—Ugly Holiday Sweater Parties are now a thing.  For the first one you got invited to, you indulged the myth that you'd be able to buy a hideous/hilarious sweater at the Salvation Army for 75 cents.  Not true.  It was never true.  So you ended up having to go to the old lady section of JC Penney and drop $45 on something ugly with snowmen stitched on it just for the sake of a joke.  Then, nobody threw an Ugly Holiday Sweater Party for a few years and you threw the sweater out when you moved, thinking, "I'm never gonna wear this again."  Of course, right after you throw it away, one of your friends announces they're having an Ugly Holiday Sweater Party and you have to drag yourself BACK to JC Penney and get down with Alfred Dunner AGAIN.       

But they're fun, right?  OH WHAT FUN IT IS.  Listen, instead of dropping your precious cash on ANOTHER ugly sweater you'll never wear again, wear a regular sweater and show up with a tray of these Ugly Holiday Sweater Cookies ($50, Harry & David).  You're still participating, but 1.) you're not dressed like an asshole and 2.) everyone will love you for bringing theme-appropriate snacks.