[GIFTED] Oscar Mayer Bacon Gift Sets

Whichever social media hack over at Oscar Mayer that came up with this gimmick must be laughing and laughing at their cubicle right now.  Tasked with the responsibility of how to convince people to give the gift of BACON—and not artisanal, fancy bacon, just plain old, plastic-wrapped Oscar Mayer bacon—he or she probably joked to someone that they should just put it in a gift box and sell it with a bonus "manly" prize, like a money clip or a utility knife.  Then, they couldn't believe it when it was actually approved. 

And here we are: you can now (for a limited time, of course) buy your father an Oscar Mayer Bacon gift set (starting at $22) for Father's Day.  Choose between the Commander (bacon with money clip), the Matador (bacon with bacon-shaped cufflinks), and the Woodsman (bacon with utility knife).  I'm sure your dad will pretend to love it.  Then make everyone bacon and eggs. 

[GIFTED] American Vintage Beer Biscuits

When you were a kid, you were a bit foggy on what it meant to be a man.  A moustache?  Tubesocks?  A wood-paneled Station Wagon?  (If you grew up in the 80's, that is).  All of those things were dubious, but when you were younger, you knew that the absolute height of manliness happened when your father sat down in front of the TV with a frosted beer mug, a bowl of pretzels, and turned on some sports.  

Dads love sports and beer and snacks.  It's a given.  This year, why not persaude your dad to trade in his old standby pretzels for something a bit more fancy?  These Beer Biscuits ($5.49 each, American Vintage).  They're handcrafted and made with beer (really), and come in Dad-approved flavors like Pizza and Smoky Chipotle & Lime (in mild and hot).   

[GIFTED] Saturdays NYC Blend No. 1

Coffee: fuel for Dads who don't have cocaine habits.  JK JK JK, but SERIOUSLY.  You slurp down 42 cups of coffee even though you're single, you live alone, and the only responsibility you have is to show up at work and maybe go for drinks with your friends on a Friday and dodgeball league on Saturday. 

Caffeine was made for the dads who work all day, only to come how to two daughters who are fighting with each other and a wife who is starved of romance.  His Saturdays aren't for brunching and laying about—they're for yardwork and retiling the bathroom. 

That's why this Blend No. 1 ($13.50, Saturdays NYC) is the perfect Father's Day gift.  It acknowledges that man cannot get by on natural energy alone, which is the sad, sad truth. 

[GIFTED] Ultimate Nachos

Think back to college.  If you were a drunk asshole like most college students, bar food played an integral part in your night.  I have about 7,000 photos of my friends and a big plate of "Irish" nachos (we were drinking at an "Irish" bar that was in a strip mall between a lingerie store and a Subway) has a starring role in all of them. 

Your friends could lose track of you all night and even leave you behind while you're passed out in the bathroom, but if you were deigned the one to go pick up the nachos, they had a GPS tracking device on you, blowing up your phone with "where r u" texts if you were gone from the table for more than 3 minutes.   

Now that you're older, while bar food doesn't play as big of a role in your [limited] nights out, you still love it all: the nachos, the cheese fries, the buffalo wings all hold a special place in your fat person heart. 

Now, you can bring the best thing that ever came to a bar menu to your kitchen with this Ultimate Nachos ($16, Nachos NY) cookbook, made by the founders of Nachos NY and the Guactacular (an event that brings local NYC restaurants together to produce mountains and mountains of guacamole).  Brimming with over 84 recipes, they've got you covered in everything from nachos to salsa to margaritas.  Pass the chips, please.    

[GIFTED] Wired Wyatt's Caffeinated Syrup

When you were younger, you woke up refreshed and ready to start the day (granted, it was 11am).  Nowadays, after the alarm clock goes off at 6am, you stumble groggily into the shower, and are barely coherant until you've downed 2+ cups of coffee.  The point?  Your youthful energy is long gone, and in order to get through the day, you've begun experimenting with caffeine.  Coffee, soda, energy drinks—anything that will keep you awake in that awful fucking 3pm meeting. 

Add something new to your caffeine rotation with Wired Wyatt's Caffeinated Syrup ($12.99, Think Geek), which is an all natural (I'm sure), caffeinated condiment to put on your breakfast.  A great addition to your coffee, but probably a less great addition to your body and your cardiac health.  WHO CARES, YOU ARE READY TO TAKE ON THE DAY.