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Entries in gifted (803)

Thursday
Sep112014

[GIFTED] Butter Up Knife

I've been told (mainly by my mother and my girlfriend) that having a meal with me can be a TRYING experience.  Why?  Because enjoying a meal out with friends is one of my favorite things to do, and when people THAT I AM GIVING MY MONEY TO in order to do this fumble through and fuck everything up, I get pissy about it. 

Shitty service or shitty food, of course, are the most egregious of errors.  How can you enjoy your meal or your conversation if you're spending time desperately trying to make eye contact with your clueless waiter in order to ask for another drink or a condiment or whatever the fuck else you need in order to enjoy the meal you paid for?  And nobody's happy when your order shows up the wrong way because everyone just has to sit there waiting for your order to be corrected for the sake of being polite, and then you have to wave your hands in the air saying, "EAT EAT EAT" and then they do and your meal inevitably shows up after everyone's done and it's just honestly the worst.  These are the verbal complaint-worthy things. 

Then, there are the more bougie things that most people wouldn't notice and you would look ridiculous if you brought them up.  Like, for instance, being served a lovely bread basket with an ice cold brick of butter.  What are you supposed to do with that shit?

Thankfully, the folks behind the Butter Up Knife ($12) solved my white people problems, by creating a tool that allows you to conquer bricks of cold butter by gently grating it into spreadable pieces.  You probably shouldn't bring this to restaurants, though, unless you want to look like more of an asshole than I do.  

Monday
Sep082014

[GIFTED] 3D Diamond Cage Ring

"When are you gonna propose?  When are you gonna put a ring on my finger?  When, when, when, when?!"  Does this sound familiar?  If so, that means you have a girlfriend who MIGHT want to get engaged sometime soon.  You're not ready for this.  That's because you're a chump.  JUST KIDDING.  There are a million reasons why someone may or may not want to get married RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE.

So, get her a promise ring, like you're a 17-year-old Mormon.  This 3D Diamond Cage Ring ($40, Studio Batch) would be a good one to get.  That'll hold her over.  

Friday
Sep052014

[GIFTED] Handjob Hooks

Coat hooks are like door knobs.  They're usually boring, but definitely necessary to have a functional household.  They don't HAVE to be boring, though, as these Handjob Hooks ($150, Thelermont Hupton) demonstrate.  These shiny, bright lacquered hooks are available in a myriad of colors and different positioning (rock on, thumbs up, up yours, peace, and more) and will make your space look way more badass than those ugly generic coat hooks that you bought at Home Depot. 

Thursday
Sep042014

[GIFTED] Triumph & Disaster On the Road Grooming Kit 

There's a guy you know that is constantly on the road, and constant travel can be absolutely brutal on someone—physically and mentally.  He sees the inside of a hotel room more than he sees the inside of his apartment.  He sees that one Delta flight attendant more than he sees his dog.  Help make his days on the road a little easier with this Triumph & Disaster On the Road Grooming Kit ($55, Room 2046), which includes travel-ready tubes of cleansers, soaps, and moisturizers.  They can be applied in a hotel room bathroom, an airport bathroom, an airplane bathroom, or, you know, in the mirror at home (yeahhhhh right). 

Tuesday
Sep022014

[GIFTED] Beautiful Things iPhone Case

There's not much else to say about this Beautiful Things iPhone Case ($35, Society6) iPhone case featuring this incredible, knock-you-on-your-ass quote from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty—beautiful things don't ask for attention.  Think about THAT for a second, and then when you realize you want to make that your life motto, snatch up this iPhone case.  Be like the Grand Canyon.  Be like Niagara Falls.  They don't ask for attention, they just get it.