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Entries in gifted (845)


[GIFTED] Trail Topography Hat 

Ever since Cheryl Strayed's Wild exploded, a nation of idiots have been inspired to go "into the woods" and "get off the grid" for a few months.  Great, good riddance, you think.  But no.  They're not off the grid.  They're posting an endless barrage of Instagram photos in front of a crystal-clear mountain lake with a douchey caption like, "Monday morning meetings suck."  You view this photo from an actual Monday morning meeting and start to get murdery.  Who does this jerk think he is, pretending to be one with nature? 

Breathe in, breathe out.  Namaste, as your jerk friend who's in the woods would say.  Face the fact that some people can quit their job and spend a month hiking around Yosemite, and some people are like you, who get shit for taking 2 weeks in a row off from their boss who routinely takes 3 weeks off.  We all make our own choices. 

Suck it up and get him this Trail Topography Hat ($34, Parks Project), as a nod to his time traversing the great outdoors.  Designed with an awesome trail topography design, he'll wear it everywhere—on the trail, to sporting goods store, and to the bar where he can impress girls with his trail stories. 


[GIFTED] The Pressure Print

Hosting Thanksgiving dinner today?  Bless your crazy little heart.  The Pressure Print ($25, The Pressure) is your personal mantra for today.  Think of how accomplished you'll feel when your loved ones are splayed out in your living room post-dinner, looking like some kind of religious cult that just made good on their suicide pact.  You'll survey the damage in the kitchen and think, "I've done it again."  

Go get 'em.   


[GIFTED] Meat: Everything You Need to Know

Everything about the Thanksgiving meal revolves around the turkey, which is ridiculous because turkey is actually one of the most boring meats you could possibily cook.  Steak, chicken, fish—you have them all of the time.  They just require a little seasoning, and a little braising, sauteeing, frying... whatever your preferred method.  But turkey?  When do you roast a whole turkey aside from one day per year?  Do I hear "never?" That's right.  

And for the people who eat turkey sandwiches on the regular, that's fine, but those sandwiches taste good not because turkey tastes good, but because you're putting it on bread, adding cheese, lettuce, tomato, condiments, etc.  Shoe leather could taste good if you put it between some good bread and topped it with enough acoutrements.  

I'm all for tradition, but turkey can blow me any day that isn't Thanksgiving day.  That's why I'm all over Meat: Everything You Need to Know ($27, Amazon), an impressive tome written by the legendary NYC meat man Pat LaFrieda.  The book features 75 recipes for beef, pork, lamb, veal and poultry, served alongside mouth-watering photos—not a turkey recipe in sight.  Snatch this book up for yourself and for the self-righteous, meat-loving foodie in your life ASAP.  


[GIFTED] Gobble Goodies

So you got invited to your friend's house for Thanksgiving.  Maybe you're going to their parents' house.  Maybe they're actually hosting it themselves because they're adults and holy shit when did we all get so OLD?  Either scenario is happening.  Because you don't have to do the psychotic running around with your hair on fire that is planning and executing a Thanksgiving dinner, you need to act extra grateful when you show up and are confronted with your apron-clad, sweaty-faced host who has spent the last week shopping, cleaning, obsessing, and cooking.

Hand her this EXTRA THOUGHTFUL Gobble Goodies Basket ($50, Mouth) that she can either put out for the guests because she accidentally burnt one of the appetizers, or she can shove in the corner of the kitchen and enjoy herself when this crazy holiday is over and everyone has gotten out of her goddamned house for good. Either way, she'll appreciate the gesture. 


[GIFTED] Make More Pie Plate 

When you're hosting Thanksgiving—and I mean Thanksgiving, not Friendsgiving, where everyone is loosey-goosey with what's going to be served (Guacamole? Sure! Chicken instead of turkey? Great, who cares, let's get drunk and play Cards Against Humanity!)—things are INTENSE.  

You're dealing with your parents and your in-laws and assorted elderly relatives who have been eating X casserole for 40 years and even though it tastes and looks like slop you have to make it because they will throw a FIT if you don't.

So, you spend the whole time leading up to the big day worrying about whether or not you're going to have all of the things everyone wants and also whether you're going to have enough of it.  This, of course, is ridiculous. Has anyone ever run out of food on Thanksgiving?  It's a ludicrous fear.  There's always so much extra that it feels like a burden.  But we fear it anyway.

This Make More Pie Plate ($22, Bourbon & Boots) plays right into those fears.  An empty plate with a very direct demand/threat, with a gun included for extra emphasis.  Buy two pies this year.  No, three.  Hell, just get four.  You don't want to run out.