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Entries in gifted (760)

Wednesday
Jun182014

[GIFTED] Bag of Dicks

One of Louis CK's most memorable comedy bits is, of course, his "Bag of Dicks" routine.  The whole routine centers around the ridiculousness of the insult "suck a bag of dicks," and now this brilliant Bag of Dicks Tote ($24, Emily McDowell) in the world as an homage and it is magnificent.

People on the street or in the subway will probably stare at you for a second, wondering why you're carrying a tote bag full of groceries or books or something that just says the word "DICKS" on it, but eventually, if they're smart, you'll see a flash of recognition in their face, and they will laugh, and think you are the coolest person in the world.  All just because of a tote bag.  Pretty great, right?  

Tuesday
Jun172014

[GIFTED] The Black Tux

Guys are always grumbling about how they have to rent tuxedos for weddings, completely forgetting that women have to actually PURCHASE whatever monstrosity that their "friend" sticks on them when they've been given the "honor" of being in their friend's wedding. 

It's FINE, it's totally fine, guys, that not only you have a rental option for your ugly wedding garb, now you have an even EASIER option with The Black Tux.  Starting at $95, you can order your tux online, tailoring it to your exact measurements and style preferences (you can even select vests, shoes, tie bars, belts, cufflinks, etc).  It's mailed directly to you and when you're done dancing to the YMCA in it, you just drop it right in the mail to return it.  It's the Netflix of tuxedo rentals.  Best part about it?  You never have to step foot in a Men's Warehouse or David's Bridal ever again.

A lady version of this needs to happen, STAT.   

Monday
Jun162014

[GIFTED] Venkman Ghostbusters T-Shirt

Hey, it's the 30th Anniversary of the release of Ghostbusters, which probably makes you feel epically old, right?  Me too.  Your favorite Ghostbusters afficionado will wear this Venkman Ghostbusters T-Shirt ($26, 80s Tees) to every anniversary celebration, every endless viewing party in his buddy's basement, and literally anywhere else you'll let him (keep it limited to Ghostbusters festivities, though.  He's an adult, right?).    

Friday
Jun132014

[GIFTED] World's Okayest Chef T-Shirt

Historically, dads have not been known for their culinary prowess.  But most dads know how to cook at least a few things really well.  These are the things you crave when you go off to college for the first time. 

Whether it's a burger with his special spice blend (that really is just salt and pepper, he's just been brainwashing you all these years to think it's special) or an incredible breakfast that you dubbed "the lumberjack breakfast" because it consisted of enough food to feed Paul Bunyan and his ox—your dad can get the job done better than anyone else, as far as you're concerned.

That's why he deserves the title emblazoned on this World's Okayest Chef T-Shirt ($20, Paranoid Penguin).  This Father's Day, you can let him know how perfectly adequate of a cook he is.  He'll be proud, because that's literally all he was aiming for.  Basic kitchen competency. 

Thursday
Jun122014

[GIFTED] I Heart My Beard Mug

So you were looking around one day and realized that every man around you had facial hair.  It's weird, right?  Did they all join a cult or something?  Nah, don't panic.  Facial hair goes goes in stages.  Back in the 70's and 80's, every guy had a beard or moustache.  Think back to your dad or your uncles.  Then, everything shifted.  Nobody—aside for college guys trying to assert their independence and homeless men—had any facial hair.  This went on for a long time.

A few years ago, though, it started changing.  At first, they were a novelty.  You'd see some dbag bartender in Brooklyn sporting a moustache and arm garters while making you a $16 cocktail.  You'd laugh at him.  Then, beards and moustaches started cropping up on your co-workers.  All of a sudden, you noticed that your husband was sporting more than his usual "fuck it, it's the weekend" stubble. 

It's official—you are now married to a bearded man.  A bearded man is the father of your children.  It makes sense a sort of cosmic way.  You were raised by a scruffy man, your children will be as well.  Of course, your husband couldn't be happier about the whole thing.  It makes him feel macho, and it also means he doesn't have to shave and honestly guys are usually looking for any way to streamline their "grooming routine." 

That's why he'll love getting this I Heart My Beard Mug ($15, The Printed Surface) for Father's Day.  AND, he'll be able to leisurely sip his coffee from this mug now that he won't have to waste time on shaving.  What a life.