[GIFTED] Brolly Umbrella

Because we are all completely ADDICTED to our iPhones, manufacturers have started creating products that allow us to use our phones regardless of what situation we're in.  Out in the cold and don't want to take your gloves off to send a text message?  BAM—we now have those semi-functioning gloves with something built into the fingers that allow us to use a touch screen without removing our gloves.  

Those gloves help with cold weather, but what about when it's raining (which, I guess is now ALL THE TIME if you live in the Northeast)?  How could you possibly function walking around in the rain without checking your email?

The Brolly Umbrella ($19.95, Brolly) has swooped in and solved this problem.  The Brolly looks like someone jammed brass knuckles onto the end of a regular umbrella, but what it does is allow you to hold your umbrella and your phone in one hand, using your free hand to furiously text your boyfriend to tell him that you got caught in the rain and your shoes are ruined.

[GIFTED] Get Up, Stand Up Audio System

When I was growing up, my dad loved to blast music in the house on the weekends.  You would think that my love of classic rock and Motown would have come from these loud weekends at home when my boy band music from my dinky clock radio in my room competed with his gigantic, professional-grade stereo in the living room, but not so much. 

Here are the albums that my father blasted ad naseum on the weekends throughout my formative years: 

Sting, Englishman in New York (Solid)

America, History: America's Greatest Hits (Not terrible)

Billy Ocean, Love Zone (What?)

George Michael, Faith (Are you kidding me?)

The Carpenters, The Essential Collection (What the FUCK?)

Yes, this incredibly diverse selection of largely crappy music is unfortunately the soundtrack of my childhood. I can't decide if I'm mildly autistic or if the songs have just been played so much that the lyrics have been imprinted on the insides of my eyelids, but if you asked me to, I could sing every word of Billy Ocean's "When the Going Gets Tough (The Tough Get Going)" and The Carpenters' "Rainy Days and Mondays." Both would be great karaoke songs, now that I'm thinking of it.  

Of course, the adult themes in this music proved to be confusing for my child-mind—when Sting says that he's an alien in "Englishman in New York," I pictured space aliens, and when America sang about a horse with no name, I wondered why the fuck they didn't just name the thing.  Call him Mr. Ed, who cares?  Why write a whole song about it?  I was also confused about by the ENTIRETY of George Michael's Faith album, although, as we later found out, so was he.

The point of this trip down memory lane is this: dads love to play their music loud and proud.  They don't give a fuck if you think The Carpenters are lame or if George Michael sucks.  This Get Up, Stand Up Audio System ($300, House of Marley) will let him play all of his horrible music as loud as he wants, directly from his phone.  It even comes with a remote, so he can play the same song over and over, like my dad did with "Get Out of My Dreams (And Into My Car)."

[GIFTED] Vintage Pencil Holder

When you arrive at a new office, there is usually some remnants of the person who sat at the desk before you.  An old, crusty mousepad, a rusty stapler, and a pathetic-looking tin cup to hold all of your pens and pencils.  

More often than not, you'll just hold onto these items instead of replacing them for newer, better desk stuff.  Why would you, anyway.  This is your desk at the office, not your house.  CONSIDER THIS FOR A MINUTE.  You spend more of your waking hours sitting in your sad little cubicle than you spend in your apartment.  Don't just accept the hand-me-down junk you get when you walk in the door. 

Upgrade that shit—pick up a new mousepad with an inspirational quote on it.  Buy this Vintage Pencil Holder ($59, Izola) to store your pens and pencils.  Put up pictures of places you'll never go to because you're chained to your desk. 

[GIFTED] Ski Slope Door Wedges

Have you ever noticed that the phrase, "my door is always open" is usually said by douchebags?  "My door is always open" indicates that this person is always available to you, which is never the case.  The people who are actually always available are hiding in their offices with the door shut (if their office even HAS a door), because their constant availability has indicated that they can handle EVERYTHING while the "my door is always open" pricks are gallivanting around town without a care in the world.  

If you ARE one of those d-bags, you can prop your door open with these beautifully-designed Ski Slope Door Wedges ($15, Svpply).  The rest of us poor schmucks will be hiding under our desks.  

[GIFTED] BBQ Bruce Balcony Grill

One of the worst things about living in the city is that you rarely have an outdoor space to call your own.  This means no letting your dog out in the backyard to roam free, no sitting outside with a cold drink, and absolutely NO barbeques.  If you're determined to have a little BBQ action in your life, you have to get to the nearest park by 6AM in order to snag one of those disgusting permanent park grills from 1925, OR you have to buy a grill, find a place to put it in your tiny apartment, and lug it to the park (you don't have a car) every time you want to grill.  It's almost enough to make you want to move to the suburbs.

Don't do anything drastic, my city dwelling comrades.  The BBQ Bruce Balcony Grill ($77, Connox) is the answer to all of your problems.  Mount it on the rails of your balcony/fire escape and you have an instant built-in grill.  Who needs a back yard?  Not you, man.  Not you.