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Merry Cast of Christmas Characters Cards

So you're adult enough to want to send out Christmas cards but you're not SO adult that you have a cadre of kids to feature on photo cards?  We've got the perfect in-betweener for you: Merry Cast of Christmas Characters Cards ($30 for 8, Pop Chart Lab).  

Featuring the merry faces of characters from iconic Christmas movies (Bill Murray in Scrooged, Bruce Willis in Die Hard, Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone, and more), everyone will delight in holiday nostalgia when they open this card from. PROTIP: write in the lines from the movies as your message, so you don't have to fill people in on your year (ie: still single, still at the same job, still shouldering massive student loan debt, still depressed over the election results, etc).  Here are a few suggestions:

To your brother: Keep the change, ya filthy animal.   

To your mom & dad: SANTA?! I KNOW HIM!

To your great aunt: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! (JKJKJKJK)


[GIFTED] University of Dating Diploma Card

It takes a gargantuan amount of effort to get from your first date to your wedding day (unless you're the type who rushes into things).  You have to go through the fun "getting-to-know-you" stage.  You have to navigate the "meet-the-friends" test and the even more rigorous "meet-the-parents" test.  You have to move in together and not kill each other over bathroom and sleeping habits.  You have to deal with all of the obnoxious bullshit that goes into planning a wedding, get into fights about table runners and "your sister's attitude" and still come out wanting to marry each other on the other end.  

That is a longggggg-ass road. And although it's way more work than any degree you've ever gotten, this University of Dating Diploma Card ($5, Emily McDowell Studio) is the perfect wedding card that acknowledges the work you put in to graduate from dating to married.  Mazel. 


[GIFTED] Best Wishes for the Mrs. & Mrs. Card

If you're going to a wedding, your faced with a ton of card options but most of them are terrible.  The overly religious cards play up the whole idea of marriage as a SACREMENT in the creepiest way possible.  The "funny" cards play up the idea of marriage being a total mistake.  Slim pickins for sure, but if you're going to a gay wedding (or, just a friggin' wedding since it's the LAW OF THE LAND), shit gets even more grim. Unless you live in a big, hip city, there's typically only heteronormative cards for you to choose from or cards that are so vague you're not even sure what they're supposed to be congratulating anyone for.  

Protip if you've got a lot of gay weddings coming up on your calendar?  Skip Walgreen's and order them online. There are tons to choose from on THA INTERNET, like this adorable Best Wishes for the Mrs. & Mrs. Card ($5, Little Low). Your friends will appreciate that you went out of the way to find something that describes their union, and be even more stoked for the cash you're gonna stuff into it. 

[GIFTED] Hard Knocks Diploma Card

Graduation season is here, and while it's nice to celebrate the spending of hundreds of thousands of dollars on a Bachelor of ARTS degree, I think we can all admit that we've been through some personal struggles that make us FEEL like there should be a nice ceremony when we come out okay on the other end.

So, if you know anyone this graduation season who has gotten through some SHIT recently (the death of a loved one, a health scare, a nasty divorce), give them this Hard Knocks Diploma Card ($5, Emily McDowell Studio) which bestows on them a Master's Degree in dealing with crap nobody should ever have to deal with.  Congrats, graduate.  You got through it.


[GIFTED] Exterminate! Dr. Who Birthday Card

If there's someone in your life who loves Dr. Who, but you're not on board, I feel your pain.  You'll walk into the room as some lizard creature is trying to eat someone's head and think "What the fuck is this shit?" Seriously, the LEAST weird thing about Dr. Who is that there's a doctor who's thousands of years old that can travel through time and space in a phone booth.  That's the most normal thing on there.  So why is someone you love into such a weird show?  You'll never know, and I hate to break it to you—there are LEGIONS of rabid Dr. Who fans across the world who can't get enough of this crazy show (which has been the on air for over 50—yes—50 years).  


So just embrace it.  You don't have to watch it, but get your Dr. Who-loving person a miniature Tardis for Christmas.  For their birthday, give them this Exterminate! Dr. Who Birthday Card ($4, Detroit Card Co.).  Sure, you don't understand what it means, but they will, and that's the point, right?