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Entries in paper (71)


[GIFTED] Lost Something in Your Beard Card

People's desires shift through the years based on which movie stars are popular.  Seriously, this version of a clean-cut Brad Pitt in a baggy khaki clown suit was considered the HEIGHT OF HANDSOME back in the 90s.  Now it's all man buns and beards and skinny jeans.     

What I'm trying to get at here is that you are either in love with a guy who has a beard or you know someone who is in love with a guy who has a beard.  Either way, make everyone happy by purchasing this  Lost Something in Your Beard Card ($4, Detriot Card Co.).  It'll let that bearded dude know that he's loved, and ALSO let him know that he can throw away that razor for good.


[GIFTED] Custom Portrait Stamp

When you're getting married, you send out an INCREDIBLE amount of mail.  Brides are probably the only people that are even keeping the US Postal System in business anymore.  When was the last thing you got anything in the mail besides a Save the Date or wedding invitation?  Exactly.

So, since you'll be sending literally the most mail of your LIFE, pondering why stamps cost SO MUCH, and hand addressing envelopes until your hands bleed, and the like, you might as well have some fun with it.

And what's more fun than getting a Custom Portrait Stamp ($100, Stamp Yo Face!) made out of your FACE?  Send a picture of you and your fiance to Stamp Yo Face! and they'll get cracking, making you a custom portrait that you can stamp alllllllll over your various wedding shit.  


[GIFTED] "This Stupid Card" Card

For anyone who is secretly sentimental and emotional but hides this under a shroud of cyncism and sarcasm (look, it's me, raising my hand!), picking out a card to give to someone is tough.  You want to give them something that's thoughtful, funny, and doesn't completely blow up your spot about how you're actually not a douchebag.

So, it's the same scenario everytime: there you are, standing in the card aisle of your local CVS, holding a "funny" card that isn't funny at all and a card that is so schmaltzy and overly sentimental that it actually feels like it's dripping with tears (Grandma tears).  You want to give these cards to exactly NO ONE.  But what do you do?  

Here's what you do: you stock up on about 20 of these "This Stupid Card" Cards ($5, Emily McDowell) and keep them in your desk drawer.  They're appropriate for pretty much any occasion—a wedding, a birthday, an anniversary, everything (okay maybe don't use it for a sympathy card).  Good luck out there.


[GIFTED] Will You Be My Bridesmaid? Cards

Asking someone to be in your wedding party is a huge honor.  It's also a huge commitment.  They're investing a ton of their time and money (and let's ALL remember, time IS money) to make sure your special day is, well, special.  The best brides are cognizant of this and don't go all Bridezilla on their bridesmaids. 

They try to make the process as fun and painless and affordable as possible.  And, of course, they don't ever, EVER look you in the eye and tell you that you'll "totally be able to wear your bridesmaid dress again."  Anyone who has ever said that is a fucking LIAR.    

So, you're getting married and you want to be the bride described above.  The tolerable, magnanimous bride that people will actually want to be friends with once the wedding is over.  Figure out who you want in your wedding party and send them one of these Will You Be My Bridesmaid? Cards ($4, Detroit Card Co.) that either plies the potential bridesmaids with the promise of alcohol or appeals to their charitable side, telling them they can donate their dress to refugees.  Either way, these cards are going to seal the deal.  Your wedding party awaits!


[SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION] Best Mother's Day Cards Round-Up

We all know that you’re definitely going to get your mother a fantastic gift for Mother’s Day, but any considerate adult human knows that a thoughtful gift should be presented with a thoughtful card featuring words, written by you, sharing how you feel about that person. It’s the right thing to do.

But how can you tell the woman who gave you life how you feel? There are many things you feel about her—she’s your mother. Seriously—show me someone who says they have an uncomplicated relationship with their mother and I’ll show you a liar. You’re probably not going to figure out the right things to say, so it’s okay to rely on a good card that will say the things for you. All you have to say is the two most important words: “thank you.”

Check out all 15 awesome cards here.