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Entries in paper (62)

Wednesday
Feb122014

[GIFTED] Skip a Beet Card

You start dating a vegetarian.  You think this isn't going to be a big deal.  She'll eat her tofu steak, you'll eat your actual steak, and you will live in perfect harmony.  WRONG.  Sure, you can both eat different meals, but it is a giant pain in the ass to make two different meals every night. 

That's why you suddenly become a vegetarian without even realizing it.  You—a person who considered the lettuce, tomato, and onion on your cheeseburger a serving of vegetables—are now eating roasted brussel sprouts and kale chips very, very frequently.

The good news is that you're probably healthier for it.  The bad news is that you dream about bone-in rib eyes.  In a very non-healthy way.  No matter.  All that ruffage is good for your system. 

Let the militant veg-head in your life know how much you love her with this Skip a Beet Card ($6, BHLDN).  Inside the card you can write, "If I had one wish, it would be that we could stop having that fucking beet salad for dinner every night" or, perhaps the better option, "Nobody can roast like you do."

Tuesday
Feb042014

[GIFTED] Single on Valentine's Day Card

Let's be honest: being single on Valentine's Day blows.  Sure, you can wrap yourself in the blanket of "This is a fake holiday manufactured to sell Hallmark cards and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate,"—which is all true—but even the most cynical person will feel pangs of loneliness when they see everyone at the office getting flower deliveries and talk incessantly about their Valentine's Day plans.  

This kind of thing can cause your single friends to get panicky.  "Maybe I've been too picky," they'll lament to you.  You see the look in their eye that says "I just want to be with someone, ANYONE, I have no standards anymore."  As her friend, it's your job to head this feeling off, QUICKLY.  Just because she feels the urge to couple up doesn't mean she should do it with the first douchebag to approach her at the bar.

Help her through it with this very, very appropos Single on Valentine's Day Card ($5, Emily McDowell Draws).  It sets off a huge truth bomb for your friend, gives her some perspective, and ALSO gives her a card to open on Valentine's Day that's not from her mom.  Wonderful.

Wednesday
Nov272013

[GIFTED] Hello Tech Notecards

Technology is hilarious because it's always evolving.  You're carrying around the coolest, most cutting edge thing today and in six months, you look like a fucking moron dragging that thing around. 

Think about the evolution of the cellphone.  They used to be really huge, then they got smaller and smaller.  If you had a larger-sized cell phone 8 years ago, everyone would laugh at you, referring to your "cool Zack Morris phone."  Now, with the advent of tablet technology, phones are getting bigger again.  You'll see a guy on the street talking into a phone the size of his FACE and wonder what the hell is going on in Silicon Valley. 

It's increasingly hard to keep up with the trends that the supernerds are coming up with, but it IS safe to assume that when old technology goes the way of the dinosaur for the newest thing, it eventually becomes cute and nostalgic.  Your tech-lovin' friend (the one with plaid shirts and horn-rimmed glasses) will love these Hello Tech Notecards ($18, Pop Chart Labs) that feature relics from the past like, cassette tapes, VHS tapes, and cell phones WITH BUTTONS.  How silly we all were back then!

Friday
Nov152013

[SPONSORED] Custom Holiday Cards from Minted

Deep breaths, deep breaths. The holiday season is almost here, which means if you want to look like a good mother, you need to get your Christmas cards out pronto before your mother-in-law starts calling you, wondering where the hell her annual photo of her precious grandchildren is.

It's such a process, though.  Enough to make you put off sending the cards, getting an earful on Christmas Eve, and making up some lame excuse about how you'll send "Happy New Year" cards.  Newsflash: "Happy New Year" cards don't exist, they're just an unorganized person's way of trying to pretend like she's not a total disaster.  

Minted can help you through this, offering up adorable customizeable templates—like this All is Calm-ish card—that will suit every family from pious, serious types to the "hey you're lucky you even got us all in the frame let alone all of us smiling" types. 

Minted has tons of custom holiday card options to choose from.  Get going.  It'll take 3 minutes.

Thursday
Oct102013

[GIFTED] Gold Striped Thank You Cards

We're a generation of ungrateful jerks.  Time Magazine has established this.  Don't play into this stereotype.  Don't expect to get a job because you just graduated with a Communications degree and you're under the impression that that makes you special.  It doesn't.

Buy a pack of these classic, Gatsby-esque Gold Striped Thank You Cards ($18 for set of 8, Artsy Modern) and send grateful, handwritten thank you notes.  Everyone older than you will be impressed.  Everyone your age will get pissed at you for "making them look bad."  Don't worry about it.  They make themselves look bad.