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Entries in paper (65)

Monday
Mar312014

[GIFTED] Personalized Paper Dolls

For the person who has everything, here's a gift they're guaranteed NOT to have: custom paper dolls that look like them and their entire family.  Sound awesome?  A little creepy?  Yes and YES.  

Anyone that is a little bookish and weird and appreciates design and tiny paper things (this is basically the definition of twee, if that's a thing anymore) will FLIP out over these personalized paper dolls ($35, Jordan Grace Owens)

How does it work?  You send photos of the people you want to turn into paper dolls (they even do pets, if you want to descend that far into madness), and that's it.  You can even choose the outfit you want the Little Jackie Paper version of yourself to wear.  

Thursday
Feb202014

[GIFTED] Sperm & Egg Card

A friend of yours is pregnant!  What a joyous occasion!  Nevermind the fact that the announcement that someone who is your close friend and your exact age is about to give birth to a LIVE HUMAN CHILD is enough to make you break out into hives—you have to pretend like you're happy for her, and not completely TERRIFIED for her.

This Sperm & Egg Card ($5, McBitterson's) says, basically, "Congrats on letting nature take its course."  It also calls to mind the opening scene of Look Who's Talking, which is OUTRAGEOUS and is also a good thing to describe at the upcoming baby shower if you want everyone there to think you're a liar.

Friday
Feb142014

[GIFTED] You're My Everything [Bagel] Card

New York love is a special kind of love.  There are a million obstacles in your way.  Want to take someone out on a date for drinks and dinner?  FORK OVER A MILLION DOLLARS.  Want to live together in blissful happiness?  WRONG.  You are cohabitating in a tiny apartment that provides literally no breathing room for either of you so you end up fighting over someone leaving the shampoo on the side of the tub and not in the shower caddy WHERE IT BELONGS.  

You're not driving to your destinations in the comfort of your car, building memories as you jam along to your favorite songs, you're screaming at each other on the F train platform because you've been waiting 20 minutes and you SHOULD HAVE taken the other train, as one of you suggested. 

The odds are literally stacked against you, so whenever there's a long-lasting relationship that has sustained itself in the five boroughs of New York, you've got to take a moment and acknowledge that accomplishment.  Relationships in general are hard.  Relationships on New York City are brutal. 

This You're My Everything [Bagel] Card ($6, Fish Cake Design) is the perfect New York-y way to tell your significant other how much you care (and how you can't believe you've made it this long) this Valentine's Day.

Wednesday
Feb122014

[GIFTED] Skip a Beet Card

You start dating a vegetarian.  You think this isn't going to be a big deal.  She'll eat her tofu steak, you'll eat your actual steak, and you will live in perfect harmony.  WRONG.  Sure, you can both eat different meals, but it is a giant pain in the ass to make two different meals every night. 

That's why you suddenly become a vegetarian without even realizing it.  You—a person who considered the lettuce, tomato, and onion on your cheeseburger a serving of vegetables—are now eating roasted brussel sprouts and kale chips very, very frequently.

The good news is that you're probably healthier for it.  The bad news is that you dream about bone-in rib eyes.  In a very non-healthy way.  No matter.  All that ruffage is good for your system. 

Let the militant veg-head in your life know how much you love her with this Skip a Beet Card ($6, BHLDN).  Inside the card you can write, "If I had one wish, it would be that we could stop having that fucking beet salad for dinner every night" or, perhaps the better option, "Nobody can roast like you do."

Tuesday
Feb042014

[GIFTED] Single on Valentine's Day Card

Let's be honest: being single on Valentine's Day blows.  Sure, you can wrap yourself in the blanket of "This is a fake holiday manufactured to sell Hallmark cards and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate,"—which is all true—but even the most cynical person will feel pangs of loneliness when they see everyone at the office getting flower deliveries and talk incessantly about their Valentine's Day plans.  

This kind of thing can cause your single friends to get panicky.  "Maybe I've been too picky," they'll lament to you.  You see the look in their eye that says "I just want to be with someone, ANYONE, I have no standards anymore."  As her friend, it's your job to head this feeling off, QUICKLY.  Just because she feels the urge to couple up doesn't mean she should do it with the first douchebag to approach her at the bar.

Help her through it with this very, very appropos Single on Valentine's Day Card ($5, Emily McDowell Draws).  It sets off a huge truth bomb for your friend, gives her some perspective, and ALSO gives her a card to open on Valentine's Day that's not from her mom.  Wonderful.