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[GIFTED] Well Done [Steak] Card

If you're a self-righteous foodie like me, this Well Done [Steak] Card ($4, Colette Paperie) depicts exactly what it's like to dine out with jerks like us.  We take someone ordering a steak well done as a personal insult, and that is way more important than giving someone kudos for accomplishing something significant. 

This would be a great card to give someone who just graduated from culinary school, or your mom, who eats steak well done with French dressing to dip it in. 


[GIFTED] Same Fish, Different Bowl Card

Your longtime friend just had a major life change.  She got promoted at work and got a raise.  Or, her great Aunt Janice died and she got a ridiculously large inheritance.  Whatever the reason, she's now able to move on up to a bigger, better apartment.

When you head to her nicer new apartment, stamp out your jealousy and hand over this Same Fish, Different Bowl Card ($4, Colette Paperie).  It'll let her know that even though she now lives in a nice place with nice furniture doesn't mean you're not going to barge in with an 18 pack of Bud Light for a Power Hour. 


[GIFTED] Give Up and Drink Card

FUN FACT: statistically, the most suicides happen on a Wednesday.  Not-so-happy Hump Day, huh?  The thinking behind it is that in the middle of the week, your troubles seem insurmountable and the weekend still seems so far away. 

Instead of jumping off a bridge, how about you do what most people do when they're stressed and angry and despondent?  DRINK. 

Find someone who is equally unhappy with life as you are in this moment, send them this Give Up and Drink Card ($4, Colette Paperie), and take a bottle of wine to the face together.  Misery loves company, right Kathy Bates?


[GIFTED] Cocktail Notes

You probably don't even use a coaster, you damn slob, but it's high time you classed up the joint.  BUT: do you want to protect your new coffee table but still don't want to officially declare the death of your youth by spending your money on boring shit like coasters and aspirin instead of drugs and alcohol? 

Pick up a pack of these Cocktail Notes ($18, Old Tomfoolery)—a set of 10 coasters made to look like bar napkins, letterpressed with Jack Handey-esque jokes from comedy writer S.H. Carlyle.

Really, what's a better conversation starter than setting a drink down on a coaster that says, "Drunk girls, it's NOT so weird," or "Dear fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt: Get your shit together and stop making me do your job for you."


[GIFTED] Shot Glass Card

Remember the good old days when your friend's birthday rolled around and all you had to do was buy him a beer and a shot of tequila? Yeah, well, you're older now. You have a job and a kitchen table and an unlimited metro card: all of the things that say, "Hey, I can afford to spend more than $10 on you at a bar called PJ O'Flaherty's."

You don't have to go too crazy, though. Those are the perks of the semi-adulthood that you're currently stumbling through. Pick up a bottle of your friend's favorite alcohol (the nice kind, that doesn't come in a plastic bottle). Present it to him alongside this Shot Glass Card ($4.99, Fifty Five Hi's).

A card that literally turns into a shot glass, he can start the birthday festivities immediately. Like at the bus station or in the car. Cheers, buddy.