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Entries in paper (73)


[GIFTED] Clean House, Full Fridge, Can't Lose Card

When you were a kid, and hell, even when you were in college, weekends were for sleeping.  Sleeping and lounging.  Sleeping and lounging and eating.  Sleeping and lounging and eating and maybe going to the bar around 10pm.  But then you graduated and became an adult.  And an adult's life involves an inordinate amount of chores.

Instead of sleeping in until 11am on a Saturday like you used to, you're up at 8am—doing laundry, going grocery shopping, scrubbing the bathroom, picking up your dry cleaning, going to the bank (like a motherfucking ADULT), and various other soul-crushing activities that are the exact opposite of fun. 

All of this blows, yes.  But the upside to all of this running around is the euphoria that comes with finishing all of your chores and realizing the rest of the weekend is yours.  You feel so satisfied.  You feel like a motherfucking champion.  Buy this Clean House, Full Fridge, Can't Lose Card ($5, Ladyfingers Letterpress) and give it to yourself, or give it to your partner to let them know this weekend's plans.


[GIFTED] bRead Notebooks

Whether everyone in your office is avoiding carbs or they're all enthusiastically participating in "Bagel Wednesday," everyone's gonna love to take tedious meeting notes on fresh-baked bRead Notebooks ($13 each, Daycraft).  Choose between white, wheat, and whole wheat, and start taking delicious, delicious notes ASAP.   


[GIFTED] Lost Something in Your Beard Card

People's desires shift through the years based on which movie stars are popular.  Seriously, this version of a clean-cut Brad Pitt in a baggy khaki clown suit was considered the HEIGHT OF HANDSOME back in the 90s.  Now it's all man buns and beards and skinny jeans.     

What I'm trying to get at here is that you are either in love with a guy who has a beard or you know someone who is in love with a guy who has a beard.  Either way, make everyone happy by purchasing this  Lost Something in Your Beard Card ($4, Detriot Card Co.).  It'll let that bearded dude know that he's loved, and ALSO let him know that he can throw away that razor for good.


[GIFTED] Custom Portrait Stamp

When you're getting married, you send out an INCREDIBLE amount of mail.  Brides are probably the only people that are even keeping the US Postal System in business anymore.  When was the last thing you got anything in the mail besides a Save the Date or wedding invitation?  Exactly.

So, since you'll be sending literally the most mail of your LIFE, pondering why stamps cost SO MUCH, and hand addressing envelopes until your hands bleed, and the like, you might as well have some fun with it.

And what's more fun than getting a Custom Portrait Stamp ($100, Stamp Yo Face!) made out of your FACE?  Send a picture of you and your fiance to Stamp Yo Face! and they'll get cracking, making you a custom portrait that you can stamp alllllllll over your various wedding shit.  


[GIFTED] "This Stupid Card" Card

For anyone who is secretly sentimental and emotional but hides this under a shroud of cyncism and sarcasm (look, it's me, raising my hand!), picking out a card to give to someone is tough.  You want to give them something that's thoughtful, funny, and doesn't completely blow up your spot about how you're actually not a douchebag.

So, it's the same scenario everytime: there you are, standing in the card aisle of your local CVS, holding a "funny" card that isn't funny at all and a card that is so schmaltzy and overly sentimental that it actually feels like it's dripping with tears (Grandma tears).  You want to give these cards to exactly NO ONE.  But what do you do?  

Here's what you do: you stock up on about 20 of these "This Stupid Card" Cards ($5, Emily McDowell) and keep them in your desk drawer.  They're appropriate for pretty much any occasion—a wedding, a birthday, an anniversary, everything (okay maybe don't use it for a sympathy card).  Good luck out there.

Emily McDowell Studio sometimes provides me with cool and new products to take a look at because I love their work and want to spread the word about how awesome it is.