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[SPONSORED] Custom Holiday Cards from Minted

Deep breaths, deep breaths. The holiday season is almost here, which means if you want to look like a good mother, you need to get your Christmas cards out pronto before your mother-in-law starts calling you, wondering where the hell her annual photo of her precious grandchildren is.

It's such a process, though.  Enough to make you put off sending the cards, getting an earful on Christmas Eve, and making up some lame excuse about how you'll send "Happy New Year" cards.  Newsflash: "Happy New Year" cards don't exist, they're just an unorganized person's way of trying to pretend like she's not a total disaster.  

Minted can help you through this, offering up adorable customizeable templates—like this All is Calm-ish card—that will suit every family from pious, serious types to the "hey you're lucky you even got us all in the frame let alone all of us smiling" types. 

Minted has tons of custom holiday card options to choose from.  Get going.  It'll take 3 minutes.


[GIFTED] Gold Striped Thank You Cards

We're a generation of ungrateful jerks.  Time Magazine has established this.  Don't play into this stereotype.  Don't expect to get a job because you just graduated with a Communications degree and you're under the impression that that makes you special.  It doesn't.

Buy a pack of these classic, Gatsby-esque Gold Striped Thank You Cards ($18 for set of 8, Artsy Modern) and send grateful, handwritten thank you notes.  Everyone older than you will be impressed.  Everyone your age will get pissed at you for "making them look bad."  Don't worry about it.  They make themselves look bad.


[GIFTED] Hold Your Horses Card

This is the week leading up to the Kentucky Derby, and while thousands of people will be heading to Churchill Downs this weekend to take in the Derby for real, the rest of us will have it on in the background as we proceed to get drunk on bourbon while wearing gingham.  

This Hold Your Horses Card ($4, Southern Fried Design Barn) is extremely appropos for the occasion.  It's horse themed for the Kentucky Derby, of course, but it also relays a very important message for drunks like you and me who will be around an inordinate amount of hard alcohol: hold your horses.  Slow the F down.  You don't want to fall down drunk, do you? That would totally mess up your white linen suit.   


[GIFTED] Hey Girl Journal

Hey, girl.  Unless you have hidden under a rock for the past few years (or you are my MOTHER), you know the Ryan Gosling meme very well.  It's almost as popular and ubiqutious as he is. 

This Hey Girl Journal ($10.95, Fred Flare) will let you document all of the romanticisms you wish a devastatingly handsome in a rumpled Henley would tell you.  Or, you can rip out sheets and give them to your coworkers ("Hey girl, can you give me feedback on that thing so I can do my fucking job?") or your roommate ("Hey girl, can you take out the trash? It smells like shit in here).  The possibilities are endless.


[GIFTED] Plenty of Fish in the Sea

Yeah, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but let's recall the last fishing trip you took with your father/grandfather/creepy uncle: you spent all day sitting around a smelly boat, listening to Kenny Chesney, only to catch nothing.  You don't want to do that shit.  It's too much effort.  You want to stick with the questionable salmon you picked up at the grocery store. 

All of this fish talk is obviously a METAPHOR for romance.  Why spend hours of energy trying to boat a prize bass when you can be perfectly content with some farm-raised tilapia?  It tastes fine when you add some lime.  

This Plenty of Fish in the Sea ($10, Cardtorial) card is a testimonial to this attitude.  Why fucking bother?  You are good enough.  Happy Valentine's Day.