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[GIFTED] Dranks! T-Shirt

Hayyyyy, summer is in full swing and it is motherfuckin' FRIDAY.  Time to get drunk on a patio, right?  RIGHT.  This Dranks! T-Shirt ($28, Buy Me Brunch) is the perfect thing to wear to any and all of your summer soirees—happy hour drinks, BBQs, douchey rooftop parties, drinking on your dad's boat...the possibilities are endless. 


[GIFTED] Fine & Raw Cowgirl Chocolate Bars 

Yeah, yeah, yeah—we've all had our fill of artisanal chocolate.  OR SO YOU THINK.  Check out these Cowgirl Chocolate Bars ($36) from Fine & Raw Chocolate, a Brooklyn-based (surprised?) company helmed by a South African chocolatier.  Raw chocolate bars featuring ingredients like sea salt, espresso, and ginger packaged with labels featuring vintage pin-up cowgirls?  Giddy up.  


[GIFTED] Laundry Today or Naked Tomorrow Laundry Bag

Doing laundry when you have 24/7 access to a washer and dryer is a incredibly easy thing, but when you live in an apartment without a washer and dryer, the very idea of having to do laundry throws you into fits of panic.  That's because doing laundry is a PROCESS.  You have to load up all of your dirty laundry and haul it in a sack down the street to a laundromat.  Once there, you have to bargain with people who don't speak English in order to get some quarters.  You have to bang on the machines to get them to work, and then sit on a tiny bench with several other dispondent people who would rather be doing a million other things than sacrificing two hours of their precious weekend time to this tedious chore.       

You start wondering why you didn't listen to your father and take a career in finance.  Those finance bros may be living a miserable existence, but their apartments definitely have an in-unit washer/dryer. 

Career regrets aside, when you realize that you've started wearing your bathing suit as underwear, you know that you can no longer put off doing laundry.  You start bargaining with your partner.  You offer them money.  You offer to cook for them.  You offer them anything, ANYTHING to take care of the laundry this week.  They never agree, of course, because they hate doing laundry as much as you do.  You go through this cycle constantly.  That's why you need this truth-telling Laundry Today or Naked Tomorrow Laundry Bag ($25, Bad Bat Designs).  It won't make you hate doing laundry any less, but it will stare you in the face in the corner of your room and shame you into doing it.  Why?  Because nothing is more shameful than having to go out in the world naked because you were too lazy to clean your clothes, right?


[GIFTED] Gender Roles T-Shirt

When you get married, EVERYONE has an opinion about how you should live your life.  You're going to get creepy advice from your Aunt Karen on how to PLEASE YOUR MAN.  Your husband's going to get presumptuous advice from his Uncle Al about how he needs to keep his "wandering eye" in check, whatever that means.  When you're a gay couple, it gets even more obnoxious because people want to know "who's the man?" or "who's the woman?"  They NEED to know who cleans the house and who takes out the garbage. 

As you settle into your comfortable married bliss, forget all that bullshit.  The only people who care about the mundane aspects of your relationship are certified weirdos.  Pick up two of these Gender Roles T-Shirts ($28, Human) that are the ultimate truth-tellers especially when you're in your just-married gluttony stage: who needs gender roles when you have pizza rolls?  Nobody, that's who.     


[GIFTED] Back My Startup T-Shirt

There's this guy in your life who's always telling you about his next big project.  It's going to be "revolutionary," he tells you.  He posts Instagram photos from various bars and coffee shops with the caption saying something about spending the afternoon "brainstorming" or worse, "ideating."  He tries to come off as a young Steve Jobs, but really what he comes off as is a douchebag.

He's never had a regular job—he's always been a "consultant," even when he was in his early 20's and didn't have enough experience to consult anyone on how to get to the bathroom.  He's constantly jumping from job to job, company to company, idea to idea, and for whatever reason, it irritates the hell out of you.

Maybe it's because you share your grandfather's indignation for shiftless young people who have no sense of direction or loyality.  Maybe it's because he never seems to be doing any actual work but somehow he can support himself just fine.  Whatever the reason—get over it.  One day, one of his ridiculous ideas might stick, and you'll very much enjoy flying in his private jet or staying in his palatial mansion. 

Get him this Back My Startup T-Shirt ($25, Rap Shirts for White People) and tell him to wear it to his next investor meeting, like Mark Zuckerberg wore his pajamas to his investor meeting.  Because both your friend and Mark Zuckerberg are major assholes.  What a world.