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[GIFTED] Gobble Goodies

So you got invited to your friend's house for Thanksgiving.  Maybe you're going to their parents' house.  Maybe they're actually hosting it themselves because they're adults and holy shit when did we all get so OLD?  Either scenario is happening.  Because you don't have to do the psychotic running around with your hair on fire that is planning and executing a Thanksgiving dinner, you need to act extra grateful when you show up and are confronted with your apron-clad, sweaty-faced host who has spent the last week shopping, cleaning, obsessing, and cooking.

Hand her this EXTRA THOUGHTFUL Gobble Goodies Basket ($50, Mouth) that she can either put out for the guests because she accidentally burnt one of the appetizers, or she can shove in the corner of the kitchen and enjoy herself when this crazy holiday is over and everyone has gotten out of her goddamned house for good. Either way, she'll appreciate the gesture. 


[GIFTED] Lines Dinner Napkins

Who needs linen napkins anymore?, you scoff.  What is this, Little House on the Prairie?  Who am I, Martha Washington?  When you're a certain age, things like linen napkins, china sets, and landline telephones all sound ridiculous to you.  You don't need that shit.  You're going to use linen napkins just to throw them into your already-full laundry basket because you don't have access to a washer and dryer and the last thing in the world you want to do is drag your ass to the laundromat to wash your underwear let alone your LINEN NAPKINS?  I don't think so.  Not gonna happen.

You go on like this, blissfully free of the trappings of an adult home.  Then, you decide to host Thanksgiving at your house for the first time.  During your stress-addled daydreams, you decide that maybe you need all of those things.  Maybe you DO need placecards and a table runner.  What's a Thanksgiving table without a full-on TABLESCAPE?  Before you throw yourself head-first into Pier 1 and scoop up whatever sparkly shit they have in an autumnal color palate, think about some things. 

A nice set of linen napkins is fine to have and nice to break out on special occasions.  Those special occasions won't always be during the holidays (trust me, they won't), so don't invest in napkins with turkeys or snowmen on them.  Instead get a more utilitarian set, like these Lines Dinner Napkins ($72 for set of 6, Brit & Co.), which are fun and colorful, but still generic enough to fit into whatever tablescape you cook up. 

[GIFTED] Shine Craft Vessel Co. Growler

More and more craft beer bottle shops are popping up all over major cities, and they're basically a beer geek's idea of paradise.  A beer geek's idea of NOT paradise, though, is mistakenly picking up a bottle of rare brew and paying $20 for a 12 ounces of it.  Not great, and it happens all. the. time

And so, that's why bottle shops, bars, and restaurants sell growlers.  Getting a growler is the perfect—and more economical—way to enjoy 64 ounces of your favorite craft beer in the privacy of your own home (re: in your underwear).  So if you know a beer geek who's also a minimalist, get him a Shine Craft Vessel Co. Growler ($60) which is handcrafted in the great state of Virginia, is gorgeous, and is available in a bunch of different colors.  


[GIFTED] Limited Edition Simpsons Converse

Simpsons fans are fervent in their devotion to what is now the longest-running sitcom in history (except when you mention anything after season 10, which they'll tell you is absolute crap).  They've got all of the DVDs, they went to see The Simpsons Movie on opening day, and they actually say the words "d'oh" and "woohoo" out loud.  They asked you to buy them the ridiculously overpriced Simpsons Lego Set for their birthday.

So if you want to be the Simpsons fan's ultimate hero, you should pick them up a pair of these Limited Edition Simpsons Converse (Black-and-Whites for $40 or Lisa & Maggies for $60), which will allow them to wear their geekiness directly on their feet. 


[GIFTED] ECreamery Personalized Ice Cream Pints

When someone is sick (or recovering), you send flowers.  That's acceptable and nice.  A perfectly good gesture.  But think about it: what the hell is a sick person going to do with flowers? 

"Stare at them from their sick bed and think of me fondly!," you hope, but mainly, they're going to put them somewhere and never look at them or think about them again.  So why not get them something that will actually aid their recovery, like massive amounts of junk food?

The Get Well Soon Collection ($50, ECreamery) provides the convalescent with 4 pints of (fully customizable) ice cream that are delivered to their door overnight on dry ice.  ECreamery also allows you to personalize ice creams for non-sick people (imagine ice cream emblazoned with "Mom's Anti-Aging Cream").

Hey, the only two times you can eat a bunch of crap and not feel bad about it is when you're sick or when you're pregnant.  The recipient will be happy to indulge.  Trust me.